grateful

grateful

i am sitting

on a beach

with a joy

faithful

He is sitting 

over me

with a smile

My Second to Last Post (Unless, of course, something changes)

I am tired of being myself
This recklessness is exhausting
These wounds
Are self inflicted

Rule breaking is fun but also tedious
So much time spent conspiring
So much brainpower diverted
To that warm tingling feeling
Behind my neck and between my ears
That sense that I am doing something wrong
That I am bound to be caught

There was a time
When the world seemed enormous
Like how could you ever see it all?
Like a lifetime would be a long time
But weren't those just the daydreams of a child
Who had only seen the world on TV
And wanted nothing more than to explore?

But what is a life valued on exploration?
At what point is your goal achieved?
And if seeing the world is the a self fulfilling joy
At what point will you be able to say "I've seen it"?

Here's the thing:
I think that trying to understand foreigners speaking another language is a chore
And I am beginning to think breaking rules like "don't walk on this beach" is too
The thing that really gets me excited
Is spending quality time
With good friends
Who love me the way I love them
And in whose company I would be content
Whether here or on some other continent

My apartment is the new Paris
Come, all you ex-pats
It's a place built on friendship and love
Pleasures you can never tire of

My last post

No hard feelings, but this is the last time im posting here.   I will certainly remain interested in poetry.

I gave this thing a few years, and in a few years it was pretty much just me...

I am a person who is very critical, either by nature or nurture... and here are my thoughts:

None of you were born in Los Angeles like I was.   None of you went to Beverly Hills High School.  And none of you have spent the last two years in rural America to reflect on life in southern california.

LA has a strange effect on people.   It makes them feel important.  

You might think your ambitions are humble and wholesome, but you wouldn't have stayed right in LA if you did not secretly desire some combination of money and influence that only LA offers.

I love when people pursue their dreams.   But what are those dreams? 

Good luck!

And last and most importantly:  Christianity and the story of Jesus dying for my sins and my father's sins is about as irrelevant and bogus as any other religion I know.

Sorry to be bitter.  thank you for reading my posts here, and I will be back in your city for a few weeks in August and September before i go to spain hopefully (unless something changes)

Mike

Ignore Everything Else

I'm sure your life seems important right now, mine does too. I have lot's of important stuff to do also, believe me.

I am sure your mind is playing its usual game of juggling and sorting tasks.   But let me say that it doesn't matter.

Let's return to what you really care about:  Your story!

When people look at you!   When people think about you!   When you think about yourself!     That's what it's all about.  

How did he make so many good decisions?  How does he do it?   Was it luck, talent, or hard work?

Don't forget that you are the greatest.  If you search deep inside yourself you will find that shining ruby of greatness that only you possess.  

You are a winner.

Now look around at all the other winners.   Who denies that there are many people greater than you?  Great people with a good heart, who love their careers, love their wives, have more charisma, and will forever have a greater impact on people.

Nobody cares about you and nobody will remember you.

my outlook

Food doesn't interest me.

I am not on this planet to indulge myself. I am here to learn and make an impact

i know you like different things, i know you would like to feel different, but honestly...

how different can you be? Don't you eat, sleep and think within the same boundaries as everyone else:

You want a bakery, a business deal, a movie deal.....

I am no better, no more unique, nope... My beliefs, my nature of being is echoes of society...

Sometimes its a prison that requires drugs to escape.
Love is not real, though people do become enamored with each other, and dependent on each other.

I will never depend on anyone. Who will be there in my most frightening moments?

I am tired of being brainwashed.
People take me seriously at the wrong times

My confidence comes and goes.
When i doubt myself it goes
When i feel capable it returns, even if it is a false confidence and everyone knows it


Who cares about me? who really cares about me? Really i hardly care sometimes. i just want to not suffer. and i dont want pity, i would prefer that no one help me.

i dont mind offending people, i dont mind pissing people off. Inside me is a timid little puppy that never gets to show its teeth.

My teeth are sharp... my life is in the making... my life is meaningful... but time will tell

This world is clueless. from the slaves to prime ministers.

Why is self-interest justification for one's behaviour?
Why do people risk their lives for money?
Why do people settle and compromise on the big things?

It is because we are a weak, lazy, fragile, and stupid species?

Why Im done with school

Homework is bullshit.

To have to carry home the burden of needing to do something. To go home and leave school behind, but to still drag it with you and feel it gnawing at your ankle.

The burden of due dates, and evaluations and endless expectations of better work.

The only thing school has taught me is that I'm a B student.

A's still feel like B's and C's feel like B's. F's feel like B's. Everything is a B when you are a B student.

Just give me my B and let me go home.

me and my beliefs

Let go of your expectations and your pressing concerns

if only for one minute

Enjoy this brief flurry of alien thoughts

as long as you can

Try to recognize you inside you and try to free yourself from yourself

if only for another 20 seconds

Try to pretend you are a Martian (even though they dont exist) who understands English mechanically, not emotionally

Be martian so that I can relay this interplanatary message

___----beep beep, incoming MESSage from planet UR-tH---___

"Believing something doesn't make it true"

___beep beep-----__"""""end TRANSMISSION---___---------

Now return to yourself. Return to everything that comforts you and empowers you to face the chaotic world you live in.

Cling to your beliefs. Hold on till the end!

the battle

so we start the clock

of my patience and your patience

of my spirit and your ears

My mind is incredibly fucked up

And it is most apparent in my thoughts

If you could capture my thoughts on the big screen.

Clockwork nightmares. Regrets buried beneath oceans of shame.

Torrential rains that I caused.

Playgrounds of happiness demolished. Memories of simple joy set on fire by me.

I am standing in front of ten thousand clones of myself.

They are all giving me that look. They are all angry. And they are all me.

I have no idea what is gonna happen.

desert

in a tent
naked
joy
falls
down
like
stars
on
me

in life
anxious
stop
joy
falls
down
like
stars
on
me

"I called you by name"
on my hand, written: "the Lord's"

in my heart
naked
joy
falls
down
like
stars
on
me

i don't look back
I am the Lord's

oh yes

Oh yes

It is today. And the problems have gone off to wakiki, paradise. My life is instantaneously okay.

Instantaneously I am proud of how far I've come. And for this moment I can say that I am less than a loser.

I better anti-up again and put on my game face.

Cuz shit aint gonna be easy

the wall

you see the wall

i hit it every day

i can show you the x-rays

my strength is tested, daily

and i know how others see me, I see right back

I have told you nothing of what i am, just of what i believe.

Mine is a life where no expectations have been met. You see my years and you make projections. check what you thought of me three years ago. and check it again next year

Because mine is a life that you cannot predict,... it will be great and it will be painful

obese

is it okay to be content to be obese??

I think that is a phenomenal question

when should we improve ourselves? how? and when should we be accepting of oursevles.

Does contentment lead us to live less-fulfilling lives?

I don't have the answer to this question.

The answer to the obesity question should have nothing to do with how many people in this world are obese, but more on statistics of what proportion of obese people successfully lose weight and how that affects the quality of their life.

My guess is that there is no good reason to be content with one's weight. There is no good reason to be content with one's life. There is no good reason to not continually strive for something better.

pessimism

you probably dont want to hear this

shloob, i am immune

Wowza, suck my fucking penis organ

I will say what appears to be the truth from the perspective of one man, 26 now.

And my perspective will be straight truth like you don't want to hear. I will shatter the think glass that forms your bubble of satisfaction.

Firstly, I think you sense the dissapointment, I think you know your parents had greater hopes for you

And in all but probably one odd facet of life you are a true disappointment...your very denial of this, your aversion to contemplate how mediocre you are, you fear of considering how short you have fallen of the target... your a disappointment Pal.

the target is well defined in the Book of Deuteronomy: Beautiful wife and Humorous children. The target is lavish home with backyard basketball court... and if you don't agree, then take your head out of your fuckin ass and look around. You aren't in Turkmenistan anymore. You are in Barack Obama Land.

Look around at your unsatisfactory life and stop being satisfied. Start being furious.

Can you not handle this? Then I will change the subject to something more politically correct like Charlie and his chocolate. but in the end Charlie becomes CEO of the chocolate factory and you aren't shit.

Your life ain't shit. Ain't Shit.