The Web

the internet is a distraction
And it is an escape distract with a fake "productive" label on the box

Get on the internet and dive into your fantasy life in which you are connected to the world
Here you are not buried in unmet objectives

Check your email 7 times
Google Justin Beiber because no one is looking
Facebook that ugly girl to make her feel good

Okay, my life is empty
I have not met the love of my life and I don't know if I will
I do not have the power and personality I secretly crave

All I have is a connection to the world wide web and too much time on my hands
All I have is an internal dialogue that won't shut up
I keep pretending it's me, but me keeps changing, every day I change
Why can't I change?

The Obama Years

One more chance
God gave me....
No! Blind luck gave me...
Wait! Do I believe in God?
Thank you for this chance
People need extra chances

I believe that things will turn out okay, even the things that aren't in my control
That's what Michael Jordan told me : Be optimistic about everything in life
So I am being optimistic.
It will work out

I will hit my 30s and my life will be so baller status, ganster status, pimp nigga g-money status
I am gonna be traveling, healthy, girl on my hip, cash in my wallet, scuba-bungi-flopping across the Amazon river with my waterproof spanish dictionary

Life is gonna get disgustingly good
But it starts here in these difficult and doubtful moments
This is why we have MLK, JFK and Nelly
To give us hope... to keep us paddling, hustling, believing

And I do believe

fucking mosquitoes

mosquitoes is a weird word
it always looks as though it were misspelled
whether it's right or wrong
they keep biting me fuck

there's not going to be anything new
this small potential for
some cybernetic relationship of strangers
facebook is just like porn to me
i log on and look at stuff because...

i smoke too much these days and i
don't have a pipe yet because i'm too broke
and good pipes are expensive

i keep editing my resume trying to figure out
what the corporate bureaucratic psychology is
behind all this fucking bullshit
i can do the job it's easy as pie
but you expect me to be another american delinquent
who knows nothing about dedication and self discipline

and our water has shit in it
little floaty white particles that make me gag when i see them

let one down

up up
catch
good
keep them up
up
wooahh.. good.
nice
up up

the balls through the air
i'm a juggler
balls falling all the time
but it's nice to keep trying

don't worry about it.
let one down
which?
any


i do it because it's fun
do you?
yeah! fun and
i like to work hard

let one down,
gently

they keep dropping

i keep getting dropped

let one down,
gently

Farting in the car

Mike is always so bold and eloquent
Jared is always so stoic and thoughtful
Stephen is always so busy

Our remaining life expectancy has decreased by roughly 8% since we've known each other
None of us has become famous
Obama doesn't know who I am

We could sieze the day, or we could let life slowly waste away.
Would the end result be any different?
Would the earth care if we stopped metabolizing calories?
Would God care if we did nothing for the rest of our lives?

Mike is going to finish a physics degree
Jared is going to change the way people think through film
Stephen is goint to have 10 kids with Beth Tuttle

Life,
I can't understand it
My dog pisses all over the oriental rug and I'm flabbergasted
Thousands die of hunger in Africa and I could care less
Existence is refreshingly short
Provocatively meaningful
Challengingly demanding
Irritatingly irritating

The simple pleaseures are meaningles when they've passed
Life is a lonely sheep, wandering through the grass

Ive seen enough

It's an eminem lyric
But it connects with my brain
And I am not of the rap generation
But I am from the rap era

I can listen to whatever music I want
And I can take from it whatever I like
But it probably has had an unforeseen effect on me
I think I am superman

I think I am destined for greatness
I think I am the world's greatest
I am the eye of the tiger, and all I do is win

So where do I go from here
the songs have been lying to me
the food is unhealthy
the gossip culture is oozing up through the cracks

I need to travel again
I need to see the world
It is the only way I can live

Fuck yeah

Blogging

It takes time to write something worth reading
I suppose Jujamist is an outlet for me
And so I will wipe away the veil of poetry and just be real

Sometimes I think I hate myself
And by myself I mean my subconscious mind

I suspect that most of what it believes is based on biology and reality, but other times it seems that I am stupid and weak.

My subconscious continues to present to me the same counterproductive thoughts and urges that i can't seem to escape.

Occasionally I fight hard, I win easily, and then the thoughts, having waited patiently for my little tirade to dissipate, return so casually.

And then I am here. Back to baseline dissatisfaction.

I think I need to study.
(this was not a poem)

Did you tell your mom you're gay yet?

Hey buddy
What's that on you shirt?
You have something on your shirt and it's funny to me.
No, look there dumbass
Yes I'm talking to you
Your fly's down and your breath stinks and there is tp on your shoe

Haha. Did everyone get a look at this kid
He is such a funny kid
Now let's have some fun
Let's stuff him in my trunk
Let's drive at highway speeds while he clings to the roof
What's that kid?

Oh you want me to slow down?
Open your mouth a little
Now tell me - how does my ass taste?
Hopefully this will teach you some respect
With all that acne it's no wonder you're lonely

Hey, did you tell your mom you're gay yet?
No?
So you are gay, but you haven't told her?
Haha - this kid said he's gay

Not Sure But Willing to Try

I have no options in this
I have no where to turn
I am stuck here
And my mind is fixated on this moment

And this moment must be as it is
And this flow of thoughts is what it is
Unaffected by nothing, affected by everything
In the chaos I must live

My brain has brought me here and I am loving or hating every minute of it
My brain is my brain and it is my foe and tool and weapon and weakness

Knowing my brain, which I hardly do, I cannot promise you much
I cannot promise you I will be alive in 4 years or that I will be happy in 2 weeks
I cannot promise you I will do what I promise to do

This does not make unreliable, it makes me truthful

I will fight away the darkness
Or I will let the darkness blind me
I will give it my best and succeed
Or I will break under the pressure of life

I am curious about my future. All I know is that it won't be easy and it won't be boring.