Slight anxiety...fuck
At first it is just unsettling
"I am not going away" it says

It is your brain talking to you

"How dare my brain turn against me?" you say
But it does
It is your split personality
The little devil on your other shoulder

Just like in the sitcoms, but there is no laugh track
This little devil knows your dark past and your bleak future

"What's the point?" it seems to say
And even though your answer is well-rehearsed, the devil is persuasive
The devil will gain momentum if you don't take massive action
And you don't

You've been succesfully beseiged
The storm troopers have taken their positions

Darth evil gives his orders:
"Halt Stop everything"
"Consider your failures"
"Consider the futility of it all"
"Retreat from life"
"Commence galactic self-destruction"

Star wars may be a good time
But darth devil is not a villain
He is the nightmare.
That very real possibility that we won't see our fairy tell ending.

Stream of Waves

Stanley
Billboards are an afterthought
Southpark is on TV

We deserve to know the direction of our lives
And I am here to tell you

It is randomness
Utterly random is the wrong adverb
It isn't utters or utterly

It's smash and grab chance weather patterns
Wake up and goodnight to the solstice arc
Takeoff, touchdown, cell phone cash cows


Hicks, Ebonics, Racism, Bad attitude, bad scenario

This whirlwind is not driven by emotion
It is driven by locomotion
But it is affected by affections
But it is annoying to find yourself annoyed and now you are broke

Sex on TV
Can you stand it?
Is your life goody Mcgood enough

Smother the habit thoughts
Randomness is defeated by diversion

Have I lost yet?
There is no losing, no winning, no ties
It's not a plus/minus death-mattering vegas-style existence

It's a horror movie, Burger King on weekends, too tired to think, lost in optomism, I wasn't cut out for this world, but you actually were and you're wrong

and... Who wants to discover how wrong you are?

Tell yourself "sweet dreams." say it sincerely, pleasant imaginings.

Tuesdays with Darkness

The sun has set on the fiefdom of Angeles
Check your 6th grade vocabulary list, fiefdom was on the test

Get into H.G. Wells' Time Machine
Not only will it take us back to freshman year
But it was also also on the test

"Delete repeated word"
Thank you Microsoft
You taught me that spelling isn't important and that I should ignore Grammar Check

Too many memories to process.
I used to walk those halls
I can't bring myself to accept that I lived it
Books, Nutrition, Meeting spot, Seating Assignment

Good classes, bad teachers.
Hours upon hours of experience tucked away into the black holes of my brain.

I have been in this brain all this time.
I was so different then.
I am so different now.
I will be so different 8 years from now.

But here I am.
In life's current.

This is not philosophy.
This is the ridiculousness of the human experience.

Life

I haven't lived yet
But I know where life is

It isn't on Wall Street
It isn't in a superbowl
It isn't in a laboratory
It isn't in a Pantagas play
It isn't in a Japanese rock garden
It isn't at Cape Canaveral, Florida next stop Mars

Life is not on the internet or in a classroom

Life is not at Disney's Magical Mountain, Toontown, USA

Life is not in a book, contrary to popular belief. Can we cue the reading rainbow song?

Life is risk, reward, punishment, subloop, if/then statements.

Chance is an understatement, chaos is an overstatement.

The word is life.

Life is the friend you still haven't called
Life is where the trees are
Life is in your basement, or wherever you feel loneliest
Life contains icicles and horse shoes
Life is two people crying together

Life will always be a struggle

Survivor the home game, place your bets

Foam hand and a hefty wager. Here come the players.

Africa

2nd largest continent
2nd most populous
1 billion people

I know more about Michael Jordan than Tanzania

I have spent more time laughing at Ben Stiller than contemplating Botswana

My brain has developed a resistance to this continent

I have been desensitized to the disease and violence

I don't blame the media

I blame the human psyche

Less than $800 million sent from the US to Haiti Disaster Aid. In all.

Not even a billion. Not even 2% of Bill Gates' worth. Not even 20% of Steve Jobs' worth.

What the fuck is going on?

This world is insane.

The American Dream

An experience to be had is out there
Dream past the American Dream
With booze and stress and happiness
Life comes but in between

The ipad-iphone, tweeter buzz
It keeps my nerves suppressed
This weekend I might off myself
But you can hit me on the text

Phones have become surveillance systems
This culture is now my jail
My credit card has taken charge
MasterCard will pay my bail

They sign you up in college now
Let the American adventure begin
A free t-shirt ought to cheer you up
But the debt will do you in

You're growing up, let freedom ring
But first find a partner and settle down
Walk the aisle and have a child
And embrace the suburban sounds

Parenthood is for everyone
Or so we tell ourselves
Soccer leagues with bad referees
Disneylands and Tinkerbells

Gossip, chatter, it's in the air
Keep me up to date
My life's as bland as desert sand
I've seen Aladdin 1 through 8

I've met these moms, angelic souls
Environmentally kind
Bluetooth strollers, expensive sunglasses
A million in a line

They need a job, a status marker
A title that gets respect
Home is where the heart is, fine
But happiness comes from checks

What do you do? they tend to ask
Politely with no shame
Your business card is what you are
Your life is just a game

Your dreams have turned to dollar signs
A human turned to cash
The adventure that this life once promised
Derailed, and burned and smashed

The movies, movies, we're going there
My gosh, it's Friday night
Gas, showtimes, jackets, good seats
We drink coke, the kids have Sprite

I cannot focus, this isn't good
The preview was better again
Romantic comedies suspend the lie
Of charming, handsome men

I cheated on my wife just once
Strangely with no remorse
Either this bride does really hate me
Or love has run its course

America, I love you
I believe we will prevail
My dream I've not, my life you've got
Your culture is my jail