Rock Bottom

I hit rock bottom last week
While everyone thought I was at my peak.
I sat in the lobby of a Santa Monica apartment building
With my parents who were picking up on my feeling.
And as I stared straight ahead,
With my frustration come to a head,
"What's on your mind? Is something bothering you, Jared?"
I continued to gaze into the distance. A wall. An emptiness. A desert lacking meaning, arid.
And we sat in the silence, and the despair built up.
I felt alone, purposeless, a fraud, wayward, amok, overwhelmed, helpless. I wanted to give up.
"What is it that's bothering you?"
And I cried, and I cried.
I couldn't look at them, my parents, the ones if no one else I should trust.
I realized someone cared, I wasn't alone.
And after years of sacrificing myself, my integrity, for the throne,
I felt the depression of eternity. Despair. No hope.
My parents love me. My mom cried, "What can be done?"
And I resolved to commit to life, to live, their son.
Their pride and joy, the one they brag about.
The one that makes them feel like a success in life, collapsed before them in rout.
This was the end, I felt. I truly felt it was the end.
But with two who love me to back me up, it was hours but finally I felt I could mend.
They kissed me, they hugged me, they loved me.
Tomorrow's a new day, a new life, and I have a new lease to be free.
I will treat myself right, I will set myself up for meaning.
And all of the balance I've sought, and fulfillment, I'll no longer be dreaming.
To hope. To love. To life. L'chaim.

(written 2011.06.30)