how to deal

when life gets tough
and when all those problems you swore to have resolved by now persist
when that fly persists in landing on you
and you discover its a mosquito
and you discover 3 more mosquitos
your headache returns and your anxiety increases

at some point it was your fault
regardless of how willing you are to discuss this with yourself
and beneath the thin superficial conscious clothe
you hate yourself for it

you repeat the mistakes, blame yourself, and continue repeating
redundantly redoing
deepening holes that are plenty deep

all you need is a coffin

Maybe

Maybe in another life I would do things differently
Live the way I wanted to instead of obeying the creed of others
All it would take is a word
A touch, a smile
Even a look, one moment shared
One moment between you and I
And together we could cast off the shackles that bind our hearts
Step beyond reason, into the bliss of abandon
But even I am fearful
Fearful to speak that word
Fearful to reach out and touch
Fearful to embrace that moment
Why?

so what what you think

So you think that way...you judge me here
You express it or convey it with subtleties or remarks
You can affect me, of course your noisemaking makes me jump
But my frame is strong, damage has been sustained, scars

But fuck you

So now you are humble and supportive, now you are in the right, respectable, successful
Now we are friends as though we always were and the only reason you changed is because you became less resentful of your own situation.

I will never forgive you, I will never forget who you are when the whatever doesnt go your way, when the dice whatever and the cards whatever. Like i said, fuck you.

But I am not jealous, and I am not subordinate either. I am never the same, but not quite so different. My opinion of you matters only to me, and that is all that matters.

I will be strong and remain strong. Scars. Strong and forever strong in this epic drama.

And foe or friend, the past happend. But I will look forward with you brother.

grow up

I cant grow up until i emotionally mature past high school with girls
And I havent done that, and it´s taking a fucking long time

So i am an adolescent running around living the life of an adult

But then i meet these so-called MEN...and they are worse than me

Maybe they know how to attract girls
Because maybe girls arent that difficult after all (especially the ugly ones)

But they are more jealous than i am
More jealous
more jealous
jealousy exists like a fucking menace in this world

And jealousy is running through your brain like a freight train
And every day you are forced to supress a jealousy that is ripe for the eploitation

And you see these greedy fucks on wallstreet and you pretend like they are selfish,
But you understand as well as anyone

You understand that as much as people want to help you
As much as our laws and policemen create civility
And as much as our religious institutions preach compassion

The law of the land is SELF-INTEREST
self interest to the end, to the grave, to the last breathe
Until the family name is atop the family castle in the family theme park in New York City, New York, United States of AMERICA

personal helicoptor, lunch with the president, business, sex, sex, business, alcohol, sex, power

Making Sense of It

Morning light has a way of waking
Abruptly reminding of times mistaken
Chiseling at the fetal form
To turn an honest man forlorn

Somewhere beyond the dreamy night
A familiar foe is just in sight
You’ve custom-built and set a place
For this you least appreciate

And at the hour which you chose
Your slumber stirred and mind confused
The daylight clears the fuzziness
To assure you your concerns persist

Doubts may smell of dampened air
And old ambition disappear
But these thoughts are painful as an ache
Which never healed by your mistake

On towards the day, we move quite fast
As if to disregard the past
Our trajectory is bad at best
Having failed again the morning’s test

THIS is good poetry

my roommate wrote this and I think it is incredible

The night is upon the oceans shore

It’s just the dark our hearts adore

The pain from past, is like a rush so swift

It’s just the present our souls do miss

The thoughtless motion of the tides slow turns

Yearns for what our heart adorns

All sound is but a coffins silence

To drench the sky in moonlight distance

Its but the path of least resistance

To promise pain to mans existence.

Waiting

There is a man in here
And he means well.
A normal, average, sturdy man
A good father, a reliable friend, a warm smile, a piercing stare

But at the odd age of 25
I haven't found this man

I think it is easy to act mature
I've seen 7 year-old girls play it off
"maturity" seems to be missing the point

Getting older means being more useful
Useful to oneself especially

As long as I'm confused, I am a detriment
As long as I am uncomfortable with smiling, I am not yet that man

As long as I am alive, I will be on a quest to meet this man

obvious title

Don't feel stupid, even though you feel stupid
People tell me I must be smart, but I only listen when they say I must be stupid

Because I know I am stupid, I know my brain is stupid
I am stupid for blaming my brain
I am stupid for being where I am, in this stupid situation

I am stupid for not having done more in 25 years
I am stupid for listening to people who make me feel stupid

And I am stupid for thinking I am stupid