So it is another day. the sun rose as predicted
And i feel okay.. i feel good, relatively

I stopped questioning the emotions long ago, i just obey
From happy to furious and from ecstatic to psychotic... i am what i feel like these days

Of course I want to be a buddhist monk, and find the good in every moment
Evading the cynicism and negative with bruce lee reflexes

I dont want to need to tell people how I am, I want them to know I am doing well
I want my personality (the only thing that is real) to indicate more than anything else that I let nothing at all get to me...not even the death of my child.

Not even the death of my child.

Because my strength is like bruce lee's

You happily configure your body for rest

From a day most likely misspent

From morning to evening, every minute compressed

Wanting to be content

Your head finds the pillow and your arms hug the sheets

But your mind is still at a loss

This close-minded culture that you thought you could beat

Has nailed you firm to your cross

The weeks may seem to hint at progress

And the months symbolic of growth

But the unending obstacles and eternal stress

Negate the existence of both

you are tired in life and tired in bed

you are but perpetually dreaming

day after day, till all humans are dead

we are strugglers searching for meaning

A long way to go

I have such a distance to travel

And so many distractions waiting for me

I have an ego that needs taming

.....WAIT WAIT

it's me. It's Michael Herold. Dreams of grandure.

Don't stop michael. Don't stop trying, don't stop thinking

I am proud of me and who me be.

I am proud to know the city of Los Angeles
Proud to know Mathew Joseph Herold since he was a wee lad

Proud to return to Europe in 2012 and proud of where I am

This galactic journey is and will always be a journey of ME.

And for you it is a journey of ME all the same

What an awesome journey

What a fantastic voyage

My 12th grade AP english teacher kept using the word "cliche"

Fuck that word. I am cliche till I die and proud to be cliche, whatever, fuck you Ms. Rosenbotthom

I left your class and I am better for it

Better off the way I am. Proud to be me.

But still open to the possibility that I am wrong in this.

It suits us

We like the United States. We love the United States.

We love the idea that you can be rich and successful and buy nice things.

That you can hustle and struggle and push and claw your way to the top.

And that the peasants have to watch you and admire you.

And the peasants have to respect you: It's America

That's what America is and what the world is becoming: The money game.

But it has long surpassed being merely a game. It is as much a game as war. In fact wars are fought for money these days. Money is our reason to wake up and our reason to get married and our reason to like ourselves and our reason to like our country and our reason to live.

That is what I believe. Money is what we live for.

fog

Running steady, fast,
sweat bothers me
not as much these days
it dries
cool air runs over my
arms
i see 10 feet
barely
uphill

multiple other places i could be at this moment:
europe, on a porch, by candle, drinking a hefeweizen, with friends
rocky mountains, under a cold dark star sky
at my grandparents- staying up late talking with Mema, my mom, my dad
on the road
in Austin, endless opportunities, good food, thinking people
watching soccer
playing soccer
on the road
in Israel
in a movie theater

but i'm here,
running uphill
in ambiguity.

do i want to escape
am i an escapist?

no.

i want this. cold, fast, hard, sweat, run, i mean business, i am human, i will do something for the first time today, i have never done this before, i don't know the result but i'm willing to try, so help me God,

i keep running

my my

my life is catatonic
i'm as numb as the song says i am
but not comfortable

my sex life is capricious
like watching two jellyfish collide
in a tank of water

my job lacks catharsis
i want to change the world not
service the mundane

my emotions are cacophonic
like a pile-up on the freeway
that only interferes

my philosophy is callous
i despise everyone and everything
myself most of all

New Food Year

I operate out of dissatisfaction

And I am not satisfied, but why should I be

This year I am not going to listen to people

And people will not need to listen to me

Lips zipped, gaze straight ahead

this year is already different, will be

I didnt change overnight

But the calendar shift is the nudge, reminder, poke i needed

I have my resolutions

So while I listen to a british girl talk to her mom about food, food and food....I am above this culture of indulgence. I am above the temporary