Me and mine

I am a person who deludes himself into thinking he already has the solutions to his problems . I overestimate and underestimate my abilities all the time. Over and under. I believe I think I know EVERYTHING. And yet I know that I know very little. I think I know discipline...I don't know my father's discipline. I think I know hard work... I don't know my brother's hard work. I think I know pain...I don't know the pain of my mother...who struggled with weight, who struggled with love, who struggled with cancer two times, and who fought and smiled to the bitter end. I think I know joy... I am lost in my head and in my illusory future. And when I stumble across the tiniest hint of progress I decide that my efforts have been sufficient....that my luck was deserved....that Allah is smiling upon me. Oh joyous earth. oh plentiful life. A day's work is a beautiful thing...joy to the world. And then, faster than you can say "fuck my life", it seems that hapiness is gone again. And progress is a mystery. And discipline is something I was born without. And joy is not for me. But I can take comfort in the fact that within this life are the solutions. The solutions to my malfunctioning psychology, the solution to my complacency, the solution to my total lack of integrity with myself and others, and the solution to the unnecessary suffering that plagues this planet. I am intelligent enough to find and implement these solutions and reach my heaven. Hope is a beautiful thing

shwot

At first I did not realize
What others seemed to know
That summers weren't forever
And life was but a show
That time is ever turning
And quickly hastes the day
When all our toil ceases
As darkness carries us away.

I was young and I recalled
A simple year ago
My play-days had felt longer
It hit me like a blow
For years beyond this moment
I raced to find a way
To learn all that I ever dreamed
Before my summer fades to gray.

better

One day someone will show up to your suffering and permanently form an opinion of you that will piss you off. And they will think themselves to be better than you.

"I am better than you. " they will say. "And here is the evidence."

It is so easy to be pleased. Yet you will never be. Not in a world decorated with so many outstanding people. Here you are forever mediocre.

Worse than that you will never be impressed, because you will never accept that others are better than you.

The trick is to give yourself confidence points for everything you do and to compare yourself primarily to one person. Find one person who you recognize as above average and then set about beating that one person in every aspect of life. And always have excuses on hand in case there is a recession of confidence. The problem is circumstance, not you.

When you beat this one person, then you will be proud of yourself. "Here I stand, better than that one person. At least I am not that person. At least I am not that piece of shit over there." you will think.

Go somewhere like the Congo where you are better than everyone. More intelligent, richer, healthier.

Be proud to be better. You played great!